Parenting

Verbal Abuse

Kelly Ward has never had a good relationship with her father. He is hypercritical, belittling, and mean. Kelly endured his temper and verbal abuse, but now she has children to protect.

When the children were very young, Kelly tried to deflect her father’s criticism or make light of it. But her children constantly asked why Grandpa was so angry and worse, what had they done? She assured them that Grandpa’s temper was not their fault, but wondered if being around her father was harming them.

Kelly finally decided her children were old enough to understand that some people are abusive, and Grandpa is one of them. They discussed how unhappy he made other people, and how that made the children feel. They also talked openly about her Mom, who is a sweet woman who has chosen to stay in a verbally abusive relationship.

Kelly then spoke to her father alone and told him that he could not verbally abuse her children and if he did, she would ask him to leave. This conversation was heated and led to a family confrontation, which included Kelly’s brother and sister. Kelly stood her ground even though it meant most of her family did not speak to her for several months. When she did see her family, she usually had to explain her position quietly and firmly.

Kelly does not force her children to be around her father. She has asked them to politely greet her parents when they come over, but the children may then leave. Kelly believes she not only protected her children but also showed them that no one deserves to be abused or needs to endure it.

Filed Under: General, Parenting Tagged With: Child, Kelly Ward, Verbal abuse

Parenting the Chronically Ill Child

How do caring parents react when their child is diagnosed with a chronic disease? What limits should they set? How do they give their child quality of life but still protect them?

A chronic illness is one that is manageable, but not curable. Asthma, diabetes, epilepsy, or congenital heart conditions are a few of the illnesses considered chronic. Daily management of a chronic illness requires cooperation of the child as well as supervision by parents.

Do you encourage your child to participate in school activities or keep them at home? Do you let them have friends or make them rest? Do you administer all medications? To what extent should you let your child participate in her own care?

Obviously, many of these decisions depend on the nature of the illness and the age and maturity of the child. Your teenage son might be able to manage his own asthma if he is mature enough to understand the consequences of ignoring his symptoms. A younger child who may not remember to carry an inhaler or set up his nebulizer alone will need more supervision.

In general, the older the child, the less restrictive parental supervision should be. If your goal is to have the child develop into a fully functioning, independent adult, adolescents is the time to practice responsible self-care.

Self-care should include managing medications and making informed decisions. If you automatically say no to an activity, are you allowing your child to grow as an individual or are you exercising too much control? Balancing personal growth and a good quality of life is a challenge for the parents of children with chronic illnesses.

Filed Under: General, Parenting Tagged With: Asthma, Chronic (medicine), Illness

Bullying

If you think bullying is just a kid who takes lunch money from younger kids, think again. Bullying is a form of abuse, an imbalance of power – either physical or social power – manifested over time. Bullying can be based on racial, social, religious, even physical characteristics.

Some bullies work alone, others work in packs. They use physical, emotional and/or verbal abuse on people they perceive as weaker. Bullying can happen anywhere – in school, at work, church, and even in one’s own family.

Bullying at school can occur anywhere, but tends to be done in areas with little supervision – buses, bus stops, at recess, physical education, or in bathrooms. Targets are often children who are already considered strange by others – and bullies have no empathy for them. Other students do not report abuse because they are afraid they will be next.

Cyberbullying is fairly new and involves all forms of modern technology – email, texting, voicemail, etc. Cyberbullying is done by individuals or groups who send vulgar or threatening messages, spread lies, or pose as others to make their victim look bad.

Statistically, more girls than boys engage in Cyberbullying, but both genders are involved. Some of the common methods of cyberbullying are posing as a “secret admirer” to an unpopular girl, getting her to reveal something embarrassing, and broadcasting that to the whole school. Others have taken photos in locker rooms or intercepted suggestive photos sent to boyfriends and distributed them to a wide audience.

There are some actions parents can take against bullies. State laws vary, but threats of violence, stalking, child pornography, sexual exploitation should be reported to authorities. Children with disabilities may sue a school board under the Americans with Disabilities Act.

Filed Under: Counseling, Parenting Tagged With: Bullying, Cyber-bullying, United States

Teen Rehab

Your teenage son has been arrested for drug possession. Again. You have always prided yourself on having a good family, an open relationship with your children, and sympathetic view of teenage rebellion. Your son was a “good kid” who made good grades and had an outgoing personality. Then you noticed that the grades began to slip and he communicated with the family less and less. His sunny disposition was a thing of the past. He became increasingly distant and secretive.

This is more than a little rebellion. You have tried hoping the problem would go away, family therapy, and tough love, Not only were you unable to make the problem go away it escalated. He violated parole, and has now been ordered to rehab. Where do you begin?

There are rehabilitation centers that specialize in adolescents and their families. In court ordered rehabilitation, the biggest obstacle to treatment is removed – the teen cannot deny he or she has a problem. Rehabilitation has the traditional components of detox, individual and group therapy and a twelve-step program. Adolescent rehabs also include education. This is important because these teens have often dropped out of school or are so far behind academically that they may never go back to school.

In-patient rehabilitation can last for weeks or months. The family is usually not allowed contact during the initial detoxification and very early phases of the program. Telephone contact will be allowed as the teen starts to gain control of his or her life. Because addiction affects the whole family, most centers include family therapy in the program.

The family will be an important component of aftercare. After completion of the in-patient program, continuing meetings and therapy are essential to helping make the rehabilitation permanent. This is important because returning to old friends and places often results in relapse.

Rehabilitation is not easy, but it gives a family hope of having their teen find a way back to them.

Filed Under: Counseling, Parenting Tagged With: Adolescence, Family therapy, Patient

Halloween Costumes for Your Children

As a parent, you are probably aware of the hype surrounding Halloween. As your children enjoy getting dressed up and getting candy, approaching this holiday is filled with joy for your children. It is also likely that your children will be mulling over what they want to be for Halloween, which is where kids costumes for Halloween comes into play.

Some children enjoy the classic costumes. For instance, it is probably safe to say that many boys will want to be vampires for many years to come. The Batsuit is another great choice, as Batman will continue to be popular for boys. Consider some of these costumes for your children (such as Thomas for younger children) if they have particular interest in such characters.

Certainly movies are a popular source of children. If your children have a favorite movie, it is likely that they may want to dress up as their favorite character for Halloween. Look for Toy Story, Star Wars, Alice and Wonderland, Iron Man, and several others that may be named in this light.

Princesses are always popular choices for girls. If your girl has a favorite Disney movie, she may wish to dress up as Ariel, Cinderella, Snow White, or another princess. General girl’s costumes, such as a fairy or queen, are also possibilities as well.

When you decide on some primary options, purchasing costumes online is a great way to shop. You can view a wide variety of costumes and find exactly what you want for your children. Also, you can’t beat the great deals and shopping in the comfort of your home.

Pay attention to what your children want to be for Halloween to take care of their costume with plenty of time. This is certainly a fun time for your children, and your costume purchase can be used over and over again at home!

Filed Under: General, Parenting Tagged With: Batsuit, Costume, Halloween

First Trimester Changes

Having a baby is many things: joyful, eventful, emotional and, even though it might be tough to admit, really scary. The mother faces nine months of uncertainty since every pregnancy is slightly different. Having a child not only means a change in the body of the mother but also the effects of the pregnancy on her emotional state. Due to the multitude of emotions and hormones in play during even the least stressful pregnancy, it is important for parents to track their actions and monitor the health of the mother and child before the baby is born.

About half of all pregnant women feel some symptoms of nausea during their first trimester. The condition is best known as “morning sickness,” but just because the symptoms are common, it does not mean there are no remedies. Regularly eating small high-protein meals usually alleviates morning sickness. Even though nausea is common, it is not the only condition attributed to pregnancy. Some women also experience indigestion and heartburn. The side effects are defiantly bigger than the size of the child at this point. By the end of the first trimester, most babies are about 3 inches long and weigh a little more than an ounce. Even though the size of the child might be tiny, women might notice an increase in appetite as the first trimester draws to a close.

Reading a book on pregnancy is a great way to monitor the progress of mother and child. Couples should also consider taking notes and following the pregnancy week by week. Even though the symptoms might make the pregnancy seem longer than it actually is, the process will be over in a few months. Taking notes or even writing in a pregnancy journal will keep a record of this important time in life. Remembering the pregnancy may not be as easy as you think down the road, particularly if there are other pregnancies.

Filed Under: General, Parenting Tagged With: Morning sickness, Nausea, Pregnancy

Loving Through Thick and Thin

Everyone knows how hard it can be to be a teenager. There are countless books written, movies produced, songs recorded, and TV shows broadcast all about how hard it is to be a teenager. One group that does not get nearly as much recognition for the difficulty they face is the parents of teenagers. IF you are or have ever been the parent of a teenager, then you know how difficult teenagers can be. While all teenagers are different (even if some of them attempt to be the exact same as everyone else) there are some similarities between almost all teenagers. Unfortunately, many of these difficulties put a lot of stress on parents. For example, most teenagers want to have very little to do with their parents. Also, most teenagers are expensive. Very expensive. These can be very difficult for a parent to withstand, but there is one thing you need to remember: It will pass. And, after it is all said and done, your children will thank you if you are a good parent. So, through all the pain that a teenager can be, just remember that you need to love them, support them, and protect them (not over-protect them) because their teenage-ness will eventually pass. All you need to do is stick with it and remember that they really will be grateful for everything you do for them once the smoke of teenage years settles and they can see how everything really happened. Just never stop loving them and you should be fine.

Filed Under: Parenting, Relationships Tagged With: Family, Parent, Teenagers

Guaging Your Child’s Emotional Needs

A teenager can be many things, but most fall into the category of emotional powder kegs. While it has always been difficult being a teenager, there are many things that face teenagers now that their parents do not understand and have not experienced. Teenagers know this, so sometimes they bottle up their emotions and avoid talking to adults about their problems.Unfortunately, this can sometimes take a very bad turn. Some teenagers who feel emotionally “stranded” may resort to self-destructive behaviors such as cutting one’s self, strangling one’s self, or even as far as suicide. Many parents of teenagers who have performed such things have said that they just thought their children were going through a phase, only realizing too late how emotionally troubled their child was. To avoid more such tragedies, try to stay connected to your children.

Staying connected can be difficult, but it does not have to feel invasive if done correctly. For example, try not to “pry into” your child’s love life if it is not a serious concern of yours, as it can be a very uncomfortable topic for teenagers. Simply asking how a child’s day has been and starting small but meaningful conversations at dinner can go a long way to understanding your child and helping him or her to feel open to talking to you about problems down the road.

Chances are, your child is not going to commit suicide. But, it is still only good parenting to help your child emotionally and let them know that you are there and will try to understand. It goes a long way.

Filed Under: Counseling, Parenting Tagged With: Emotion, Parent, Suicide

Should Parents Monitior Their Child’s Online Activity?

Sometimes parents face a dilemma. Should they monitor their children’s activity online? Should they read their e-mail? Have access to their Facebook or other accounts? Should parents limit the sites that children can access online?

Some parents think that it is an invasion of their child’s privacy to do these things. Other parents disagree. There are several things to keep in mind when thinking about this issue. You want to know where your child is going, who he is talking to, and what he is doing online.

Just as you set up rules at home (such as how much time your children can spend watching TV or when their curfew is), you should set up rules about computer use. Your child should use the computer in a public area. Your child should not give out personal information such as his name, address, or telephone number to people he meets in chat rooms. He should never meet face-to-face with a person he meets online.

There are ways that you can monitor and control what your child does on the computer. You can install a software program that tracks the keystrokes on a keyboard. This helps you track if your child is searching for pornography online or participating in illegal activities. You can also set up user accounts for your children on your computer. These accounts limit what the user can do to the computer (install software, delete programs).

You can install PC Tools antivirus programs and spyware programs. This will keep your computer safe from viruses and they will keep your personal information safe from spyware.

There are software programs that limit the places that your children can go to online. Remember that you are legally responsible for your underage children. Using software tools that monitor your children’s activities and keep them safe will make your life easier and give you peace of mind.

Filed Under: Counseling, Parenting Tagged With: Child, Facebook, PC Tools

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